


Athelstan's Journal

by fanwritergirl9496



Category: Vikings (TV)
Genre: Broherhood, Canon-Typical Violence, Coming of Age, Comrades in Arms, Crisis of Faith, Cultural Differences, F/M, Friendship, Human Sacrifice, M/M, Parenthood, Reference to Christian beliefs, References to Norse Religion & Lore, Religion, Romance, Romantic Friendship, Self-Discovery, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-02-24 13:07:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13214391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanwritergirl9496/pseuds/fanwritergirl9496
Summary: What if Floki failed to kill Athelstan? With his help, could Ragnar have made peace with the Christians of England? Could the two of them have forged the new world of cooperation that Ragnar saw as he way of the future? What if Athelstan had gotten to actually be with Judith and raise his son? What if I told you, that, that's what really happened? Here is the account of that story from Athelstan's own words, from his capture and enslavement onwards until the peace he and Ragnar dream of is a reality.





	1. The Northmen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Athelstan recalls how he first came to Kattegat

**Part 1: The Northmen**

 

**For many years now, I have thought that I should preserve an account of the things that I have seen and done. Many Christians see the Northmen as primitive, their ways worthless and irredeemable, but I have lived among them. I do live among them, and though I admit that I once thought the same, things have changed. What I have found is that the Northmen are human beings just like us, some honorable, some not, some great, and some cowards. The one thing of which I have been convinced is that cooperation and peace is the way forward for all of us. I understand this is not a popular notion on either side, but perhaps when you have heard the story I have to tell, you will understand why men like myself think this way.**

**The story I have to tell began with the events of the 12** **th** **of April in the Year of our Lord 793. AT that time, I was a Christian monk in North Umbria, born in one of the villages surrounding Lindisfarne monastery, then surrendered to it by my parents for my own good. We were a poor family and a large one. There was seldom enough to feed everyone in our household. Hunger was a constant companion during my earliest years, but with the monks I would be not only fed, but protected and educated in a manner the likes of which my parents could not have dreamed to give me by themselves. That is why, at barely three years of age, my father brought me to the Abbot, Father Cuthbert, and begged him to take me and raise me among the monks under his charge.**

**When my education was finished, I was sent out upon the world to be a witness of God’s mercy to those who had never heard before, of Him or His Son. As a result, I learned many of the languages spoken by pagans in the surrounding lands. Little did I know, that such a skill would be my salvation more than once in the coming years. Just shy of a year after my return, the day came that would set my life on its current course. That was the day I met Ragnar Lothbrok.**

**I was alone in the monastery library, transcribing a new copy of the Holy Scriptures, when the silence, and with it my concentration on the work before me, was broken as I heard the clanging of bells and the screams of villagers, most of them women and children, racing toward our gates in search of sanctuary. Like many of my former brothers, I immediately went out into the courtyard to see what was going on. That was when I was told, not by Father Cuthbert, but by one of my fellow monks, that a fleet of pagans had landed on our shores and were already making their way toward us.**

**At the time, none of us knew exactly what was about to happen, but due to the strangeness of our visitors and how heavily armed they were, we guessed the worst. We set about trying to hide ourselves along with the many sacred objects the monastery contained.**

**Just as the raiding party was pounding at our gates, I grabbed a copy of the Holy Scriptures and hid myself behind the altar in the chapel of the east wing. I crouched behind it, praying all the while that God would protect His house and His people from His enemies. I heard the carnage going on around me as the raid progressed deeper and deeper into the monastery. Finally, the man I would come to know as Ragnar Lothbrok, came into the chapel, flanked by two others. I could hear the thud of their boots and each corresponding creak in the wooden floor as they moved about the place, in search of treasures. I heard them speak to each other in a language that I understood, though it was different from my native tongue.**

**I knew that my only chance was to stay absolutely silent, they did not know I was there, and I begged God in that moment that they would not find me. Every second felt like hours, and every minute like an eternity. My whole body shook with fear. Afraid that I would hit the altar and I would be discovered; so I put my hand down on the floor to steady myself, my heart sank when it creaked loudly. In an instant, Ragnar had grabbed me by the shoulders of my robes, yanked me forward so that I knelt in front of the altar, facing him and the others, and felt the subtle dig of Ragnar’s knife at my throat.**

**“Please! Don’t kill me!” I cried in the language of the Norsemen.**

**“You speak our language…” Ragnar said.**

**I nodded.**

**“How do you speak our language?” he asked.**

**“I’ve traveled, we’re told to travel to take the Word of God to those who have not yet heard it.” I explained.**

**“What is that in your hand?” He demanded, nodding toward the Bible I’d almost forgotten I was holding.**

**“A book.” I replied quickly. “I wanted to save it.”**

**Ragnar took it from me and flipped through it, gazing without comprehension at the words and illustrations. “Out of all the riches and treasures I see in this place, you chose to save this?” He asked.**

**His piercing blue eyes stared into mine with genuine curiosity, he was not scoffing at me for my decision but wanting to understand that which he could not.**

**“Because, without the Word of God there is only darkness.” I told him.**

**He seemed to ponder that for a moment, and that is when we were joined by a fourth man. This man shared similarities with Ragnar in his features, but his hair was darker and he was clearly less interested in knowledge than in plunder.**

**“What a strange place, there are no women here, only these strange men…” The new arrival told the others.**

**“They seem to be the priests of their God.” Ragnar replied.**

**“Why have you not killed this one yet?” The other man asked.**

**I tensed, knowing his answer might well decide my fate. My breath caught in my throat and I begged the Almighty to soften the hearts of my captors so that I might live.**

**“He is worth more alive, to sell as a slave…” He replied after what seemed an eternity.**

**I exhaled the breath I had been holding, for if even one of them thought so, I might still have a chance, though weather it was better to be a slave or be dead, I did not and still to not know.**

**“If you won’t kill him Ragnar, then I will, there won’t be room left on the boats..”**

**I shut my eyes, fearing that this new fourth man, Ragnar’s brother, who I would find out later was called Rollo, would kill me; but just as he moved to do so, Ragnar stopped him by putting a hand on his brother’s shoulder.**

**“I forbid it. I say he lives, so he lives.” He told his brother, and with that, my fate was sealed in ways I never could have imagined.**

**It took a fortnight to complete the journey to Ragnar’s home village. The thing that became most clear to me during the voyage was that Ragnar was the only one in this new world I was entering, who had any interest in protecting me. At the time, I had no idea why he would care for me at all, what reason he could possibly have.**

**In the years that have passed since then, having seen all that has transpired in them, I now believe I understand, Ragnar and I are the same in many ways, though it would be years before either of us understood just how true that was, something in him recognized the kinship between us even then. This, more than anything, is what gave Ragnar Lothbrok reason to spare my life.**

**Once we reached our destination, it was obvious that this had been an unsanctioned raid, the Earl at the time, Earl Haraldson, was very angry that Ragnar and the others had gone without his blessing. He demanded, that all their spoils from the raid be set before him, that included myself and the rest of my brothers who were taken prisoner. So it was that we were taken to the Earl’s Great Hall.**

**The hall was warm and dark, lit only by firelight in the form of a giant fire pit and countless burning lamps. I listened as the Eral claimed all the spoils for himself on the grounds that his warriors had gone without his consent. Ragnar responded by pointing out that the boat belonged to him, and that therefore surely, he and his crew deserved some payment for the raid. Earl Haraldson considered that for a moment, and then decided that each man who had been involved in the raid, should take one thing from the spoils for himself. The thing about this exchange that most struck me, was that there did seem to be at least a semblance of law and order, as rough and unrefined as this culture appeared, it became obvious to me in that moment that this world I had entered was not the amoral free-for-all that it appeared to be. There was a sense of what was good and honorable and what was not, though it was substantially different from what I had been taught.**

**I watched intently, wondering what each of them would choose, knowing well, that my own future was about to be decided, for if none of our abductors claimed us, we would either serve the Earl’s household directly, or be killed if no one in this strange place had a use for us.**

**Ragnar was the third, after picking up a few of the golden artifacts and then discarding them back on the pile, and then he turned back to face Earl Haraldson.**

**“I will take the priest.” He told the Earl firmly. “For my slave…”**

**I breathed a sigh of relief and silently thanked God that I’d been claimed by Ragnar rather than killed or made to serve Earl Haraldson. It was becoming increasingly clear, from what little I could understand about what was going on, that Earl Haraldson was abusing his power a bit, and likely was not an honorable man even by Northmen’s standards. Though it would be some time before I truly understood just what sort of man Ragnar was, at this point I was reasonably confident that he was not about to kill me at any moment. After all, if that had been his intention, he had, had multiple opportunities to do so before then and had instead protected me and shielded me from his less merciful comrades in each instance.**

**“The priest?” Earl Haraldson asked, giving Ragnar a questioning look. “That’s your one thing?” He asked again.**

**Soon the Earl’s wife, who was sitting next to him but who until then had been silent, started to laugh at the choice Ragnar had made, several others throughout the Great Hall, joined in mocking him, but Ragnar stood firm, utterly unphased.**

**“Granted.” The Earl finally concluded, and with that, the need for Ragnar’s attendance there ended.**

**Having chosen me, he tugged at the rope around my neck and led me away and with that, my new life began.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter: Part 2: Of Bondage The Story of Athelstan's period of enslavement in Ragnar's household before Ragnar became Earl


	2. Of Bondage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Athelstan recalls his period of enslavement before Ragnar became Earl.

**After leaving the Great Hall, Ragnar led me to his farm, some distance from the village. The farm rested on a hillside at the edge of a forest, as we approached we were greeted by goats and a barking dog. Once we came in sight of the house, I saw that there was a young girl doing her chores, this was Gyda, Ragnar’s daughter. Ragnar, after tying me a fence post, snuck up on her and began squawking playfully like a bird. At which a broad smile fell across her face and she rose and hugged her father. The two were soon joined by Bjorn, Ragnar’s firstborn son, and their mother, Lagertha, Ragnar’s first wife.**

 

**Despite the fact that I was now their slave, I could not help but smile at the genuine elation of this family, together again for the first time in what must have been at least a month. This was my second indication that these people, these northern heathens were not so terribly different from Christian folk like myself. This scene of a loving family man returning to his wife and children, their obvious joy at his return, was a scene which could have played out anywhere.**

 

**He introduced me to them by my name and told them that I spoke their language, they asked if I truly could and I proved it by speaking to them. The children were most curious, having never seen anyone like me before. They played with my robes and asked many questions, which I answered.**

 

**Just when I was starting to think that maybe these people were not so different at all, I was thoroughly reminded of just how different they truly were. I was given a cot and a space in a little-unused corner of the house, next to the room in which Ragnar and Lagertha slept, and just as it seemed all had settled down for the night, and I had taken to reading the Bible I’d held onto since the raid, which for some reason Ragnar had allowed me to keep. I sat there, quietly reciting it to myself, trying to recapture life in the monastery, in which prayer and contemplation had been my life. It was difficult to ignore the sounds of Ragnar and Lagertha making love in the next room, but this just made me more determined to bury myself, at least for the moment, in the things of the Spirit, so that my mind would not wander and betray the vows I’d taken as a monk and priest.**

 

**Suddenly, they came out of their bedchamber, Ragnar was entirely naked, Lagertha however, was at least wearing a blanket wrapped around her body.**

 

**“Athelstan, we want to ask you something.” Ragnar began.**

 

**I was bewildered, what on earth could they wan to ask me now of all times, surely Ragnar's curiocity, which I was quickly getting used to, hadn't suddenly overpowered him while he laid with his wife.**

 

**“Come and join us, Priest…” Lagertha added with a wry smile.**

 

**“Come on… don’t you want to?” Ragnar whispered.**

 

**I gulped but said nothing and averted my eyes. No, I didn't want to. I was a monk, how could I?**

 

**“You’ll enjoy it” Ragnar told me, goading me into accepting his offer.**

 

**“I am a monk, I have taken vows of celibacy. I cannot touch a woman, I never have.” I explained, though my protests seemingly continued to fall upon deaf ears.**

 

**That’s when Lagertha started to show off the contours of her body to me, if I allowed my mind to drift to those places I couldn’t help but admit that she was, in all honesty, a beautiful woman, with long golden hair and a strong yet distinctly feminine form, but she was a married woman and I was a monk, even with her husband’s consent, I couldn’t possibly.**

 

**“I can’t. To do so would be a grievous sin.” I told them firmly.**

 

**Obviously very confused, Ragnar knelt down beside where I was sitting and met his gaze with mine.**

 

**“Who would know?” He asked.**

 

**“God would know. I would know.” I explained.**

 

**“Go to sleep then, with your God,” Ragnar replied, then the two of them disappeared again behind the thin wicker wall that separated their bedchamber from my corner.**

 

**I went back to reading from the gospels, and they went back to lovemaking. That was my first night in the home of Ragnar Lothbrok. I knew then that I’d be tossed into a world surrounded by earthly temptation. For me, this was a frightening thought indeed, knowing my vows would be tested as never before.**

 

**Perhaps that is why, the next morning when I went to wash myself in the bay near Ragnar’s farm, and found that in the weeks since my capture, the bald spot that marked me as a monk had started to grow back and there was a beard growing on my chin, these facts alone for the first time since, shattered my sense of calm. For the first time, I wept for the life I’d left behind.**

 

**In the coming days, I learned to carry out various chores around the farm, feeding the animals, holding yarn for Ragnar’s wife and daughter to wound into balls, tending the crops, helping to prepare the meals, these were the sorts of tasks assigned me.**

 

**In the evenings, to my surprise, I was welcome at their table and given equal portion of food and drink as the rest of the family. Often times, Ragnar would pour me cup after cup, of ale and pepper me with questions about England, about my life before his boat attacked the monastery, and about Christianity.**

 

**After about a week of this, Ragnar brought me into the village with him. Only when we went to Kattegat, did Ragnar make use of the rope around my neck, leading me like a dog on a leash. I couldn’t help but stop when I came upon the terrible sight of several of my brothers dead and hanging by their necks on ropes. What small sense of normalcy I’d regained since leaving Lindisfarne, was shattered in that instant, and replaced again by the inescapable apprehension that came from the knowledge that one was anything but safe. In that instant, I was transfixed on the awful sight in front of me, and only a few swift tugs upon the rope around my neck, could bring me back to the everyday drudgery of my new reality.**

 

**We did some trading of goods, purchased several new furs which were then tied in bundles held together by ropes and carried over my shoulders. Finally, in the late afternoon, not long before sunset, we went to see the Earl.**

 

**We found Earl Haraldson sitting in his great hall, with his wife at his side, along with several warriors. By then I had learned that despite the kindness shown to me by Ragnar and his family, in general, this world viewed slaves as being lower than dogs, so I knelt before the Earl’s throne hoping to not give him an excuse to kill me.**

 

**“Ragnar Lothbrok” The Earl began in greeting. “How do you find your new slave?” he asked, as though he were asking about a new goat or a bit of farmland.**

 

**“I find him very useful, as you will discover.” Ragnar replied. “I have talked to my Christian slave and he has told me many things.” He told the Earl.**

 

**“Such as?” He asked.**

 

**“He told me that there is a large town near the temple that we raided before, in this town there are many other temples and surely other riches.”**

 

**“I was lying!” I exclaimed despite myself. “There’s nothing there!” I was desperate to dissuade Ragnar from what I now understood he was about to do with the information I’d given him, and vehemently regretting answering the questions he’d posed to me during those drunken evenings.**

 

**“You see my lord?” Ragnar asked. “Surely this town is worth a visit.”**

 

**“I could go there myself.” Earl Haraldson replied.**

 

**“Yes you could my lord,” Ragnar began, “but why put yourself in danger? Why not send someone with more experience of this journey and someone who is…” he paused, apparently for effect, “more expendable? Give us back our boat.” He pleaded. “What do you have to lose? After all, any treasure we take would be yours to do with as you please…”**

 

**I could scarcely believe what I was hearing. Ragnar was planning to go on yet another raid against my home, this time he was after the town in which I’d been born. Every fiber of my being begged me to speak out, to say and do whatever was necessary to stop this raid from happening, but I held my tongue. I knew that as a slave my word counted for very little, especially beyond the household I served. I had no power to stop this raid, I would try again before Ragnar had the chance to depart, but risking my life with an outburst in this hall was just as unlikely to do any good as it was likely to get me killed.**

 

**“Very well...I sanction this raid, on one condition, a warrior I trust must go with you.” The Earl concluded, and with that, a burly, strong looking man stepped forward; but Ragnar had heard enough. As soon as he knew for sure that he had the permission he’d come for, we left.**

 

**By the time we’d finished speaking with the Earl, night had fallen upon Kattegat, the moon, large and full, gave the only light on the darkened streets.**

 

**Having suddenly been struck with my own powerlessness in the realization that my birthplace was soon to be attacked, and there was nothing I could do to stop it, I fell into despair as we made our way back toward the farm. Around the same place where I had stopped before, in the shadow of my dead brothers, I fell to my knees, unable or unwilling, perhaps both, to go any further. My legs suddenly felt almost too heavy to drag another step.**

 

**In truth, I was numb, the numbness was the only way I’d kept my composure since my arrival and kept fear from taking over, but combined with the loss of my brothers and my fears for my homeland, it became paralyzingly overwhelming.**

 

**Ragnar tugged on the rope around my neck, once, twice, three times, and then he did something I didn’t expect. He turned, stalked menacingly toward me, once again I felt his knife at my throat. I was sure then, that my life was over, but to my surprise, rather than killing me, he cut the rope around my neck.**

 

**“Run away if you want…” He told me, then he proceeded to cut the bundles of goods I was carrying off of my back.**

 

**For some reason I couldn’t fathom and still can’t quite explain, instead of running away, I ran to catch up with Ragnar and followed him back to the farm. That was the very last time he ever used the rope to lead me around.**

 

**Later that evening, when we’d returned to the farm and everyone had eaten supper, was the next time anything was said about this second raid.**

 

**“The Earl has given me permission to sail back to England, and I want to leave as soon as possible,” Ragnar told Lagertha.**

 

**“And how soon is that?” she asked.**

 

**“Tomorrow.” He replied. Lagertha stopped short, the cloth she’d been folding fell limp in her hands. It was clear she didn’t like the idea of being left alone again so soon after the return of her husband, but she kept her displeasure to herself.**

 

**“We all wish you success, we will sacrifice to Odin.” She replied at last.**

 

**“Are you not coming?” He asked, then he turned to face her with a proud, affectionate smile on his face. “I want you to come with me…”**

 

**She smiled back at him, clearly pleased, but there was still something holding her back, happy as she was, she was hesitating.**

 

**“But the farm… the children…” She reminded him. Lagertha was many things, a warrior, but also and more importantly, a wife and mother.**

 

**“Bjorn is still too young to come raiding, though big enough to help on the farm…”**

 

**“But who is to be in charge?” Bjorn asked.**

 

**I was wondering that myself.**

 

**“The priest. I will leave him with a key…”**

 

**“But Father! You can’t place a slave above me, your natural son!”**

 

**“I don’t regard him as a slave, he’s a responsible person. If I say that he’s in charge until your mother and I return then he is.” Ragnar told him sternly. At that, Bjorn sat back down on the bench.**

 

**Deciding that now was my chance, perhaps my last chance, I rose to my feet. “Please, Ragnar Lothbrok, don’t do this…” I pleaded, but he ignored me so I sat back down before he’d had a chance to acknowledge my outburst. It had become obvious to me now, that I’d been claimed by an unusually kind master, still… I dared not test his patience too far.**

 

**“What do you think Gyda?” Ragnar asked his young daughter.**

 

**“I don’t mind, I like the priest.” She answered.**

 

**At that, he kissed her forehead lovingly. “Then it is decided.” He replied.**

 

**With that, Ragnar led the children away. For a moment I thought Lagertha would follow behind them, but she remained where she had been, standing next to the table off to my right. Suddenly she leaned over it, put her face mere inches from mine, and stared into my eyes so hard it was as though she were examining my very soul.**

 

**“If any harm comes to my children while we’re away, I shall tear the lungs from your body and spread your ribs out like the wings of a bird.” She told me. There was a harsh, menacing quality to her voice as she said those words, and I was left without any doubt that she was not only capable but perfectly willing to carry through with her threat.**

 

**He and Lagertha left at sunrise the next morning, and we saw the boats carrying the raiding partly leave mid-morning, and so my month of being in charge began.**

 

**Bjorn remained obstinate, it was obvious that he didn’t like me and hated the idea of my being responsible for him, but that had been what I was ordered to do. By day we tended the farm together, in the monastery I’d often heard that many hands made light work, without even Lagertha here, and with Bjorn unwilling as he was to do almost anything I asked him to do, there weren’t enough hands to make any of our work light, and we often carried on until nearly dusk before our work was finished. His sister was more cooperative and seemed to accept that all of us, her included, had to do their part to get everything done. When she had finished all the tasks she’d been given, she would often come and ask me what else she could do to help.**

 

**In the evenings, we would eat together, Gyda liked me to tell stories about England and about my life before coming to Kattegat. Her brother cared nothing for these stories and tended to putter around on his own, pretending not to listen.**

 

**One night, after Ragnar and Lagertha had been gone for a little over a month, Bjorn plopped down the meat portion of our evening meal on the table and stared hard at me, as though daring me to refuse what he was about to ask.**

 

**“I want to go to Kattegat.” He said bluntly. “I want to be there in the harbor when my parents return, they must be returning soon.”**

 

**“I promised for Father that I would look after you both here.” I reminded him.**

 

**“We look after ourselves.” He told me.**

 

**He wasn’t entirely incorrect, we all tended the farm and completed the chores together, and nothing had really happened to warrant me having to protect them, to be honest, I’m not sure how much use I would have been if it had.**

 

**“I cannot allow you to go on your own to Kattegat, your father would never tolerate such a thing,” I replied.**

 

**“Then we should all go, the three of us.” He retorted.**

 

**“And who would look after the farm?” I asked.**

 

**Apparently having no good answer to this, Bjorn gave up and sat down, thus we were free to carry on with supper.**

 

**When the ale had been poured and the food had been divided between us, I gave a small prayer of thanks. There were some habits that I simply refused to surrender even though I was well aware that no one on the farm or in Kattegat would understand. The children always gave me bewildered looks as though I grew two additional heads when they heard me praying but I tried not to show how much this bothered me. After all, it wasn’t their fault, they couldn’t understand because they’d never been taught. My ways must have seemed every bit as alien to them as theirs were to me in those days.**

 

**Later that evening, while I was once again reading the Bible, which at this point was me only personal possession aside from the robes on my back, I couldn’t help but see the parallels between what was happening to me, and what had happened to Job in the Old Testament. Here was a man who had done everything God had ever asked of him, who loved and served Him as faithfully as any man could do and yet, everything he’d once held dear was taken from him. There I was, lonely, miles from home, having witnessed the deaths of so many of my brothers, a slave to a family of pagans. It all seemed so...unjust… Surprised at myself for thinking such things, I immediately knelt in prayer.**

 

**“Where are you, Lord? For the first time, I feel lonely, for the first time, I’m angry with you. You’ve allowed our beloved monastery to be burned, you’ve allowed my brothers to be slaughtered and sold, and now I’m here with these heathens? How does it serve you? Where are you Lord and why don’t You answer me?” I asked.**

 

**It was a prayer I would never forget, and one that would echo through my life for years to come until the answers to the questions I asked that night would come to fruition.**


	3. Turmoil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ragnar faces the consequences of his actions on the latest raid and eventually usurps Earl Haraldson from power. Athelstan gains his freedom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a long one, but I told myself I'd have it ready on Wednesday and it is, so yay! I'm hoping to have the next one ready by Saturday but no promises. I'm going to try to keep the updates coming once or twice a week.

**After a bit more prayer and reading that night, I came to the realization that the best way to deal with my current circumstances was to meet everything that was done or said to me with kindness, for if I showed them the love of Christ in all that I did, what would there be for them to find fault with, in me? I knew that this also meant granting Bjorn’s wish to be there when his parents returned from the raid.**

 

**Quietly I rose to my feet and made my way to the raised bunk that Bjorn occupied, I found him lying there fast asleep on a bed of straw, a contented, innocent look about him. For all his orneriness and displeasure with me, it was times like this that reminded me that he was still only a child like any other.**

 

**“Bjorn…” I whispered, giving his shoulder a gentle shake. “Bjorn, wake up…”**

 

**“Huh?” He replied sleepily, his eyes opening and the gentle innocence fading from his face. “What is it?”**

 

**“We will go to Kattegat, all of us. Tomorrow.” I promised.**

 

**Upon hearing that, he smiled back at me despite himself before exhaustion carried him back to sleep.**

 

**Ragnar, Lagertha, and the rest of the raiding party returned early the very next day, we had only just arrived in Kattegat when we saw the ship pulling into the harbor. We stood amid the welcoming party that crowded the harbor and spilled into the streets, every man, woman, and child in Kattegat or the farms and cabins in the surrounding countryside had come to welcome the raiding party home. That included the Earl and his household, unfortunately. The warrior that the Earl had sent along with Ragnar and the others was a man named Kanute, and he was also one of the ones who did not return with the others.**

 

**I watched from a distance as Ragnar and the Earl had a conversation, and while it seemed to be about how the raid had gone and what had happened, I couldn’t hear what was being said. Seemingly without warning, Ragnar was arrested, Lagertha and some of the others in the raiding party tried to help him, but Earl Haraldson had far too many warriors on his side. I watched at a safe distance and kept the children back with me as their father was led away. I wanted to do more, but what use was I against so many well-practiced warriors?**

 

**It wasn’t long after that, that Lagertha found us.**

 

**“You saw what happened did you not?” She asked quickly as she hugged her children.**

 

**“Yes I saw, now what do we do?” I asked.**

 

**“There will be a trial for him tonight, just before sunset, we’ll all be summoned to the Great Hall. That will be Ragnar’s chance to defend himself and the chance for every other free person to testify either for or against him. There’s nothing we can do until then.” She explained as she started down the street.**

 

**As I quickened my steps to keep pace with her, my mind reeled with more questions than I could give voice to. In the brief time since I’d arrived, I’d come to know Ragnar as a good, honorable, and intelligent man, albeit an ambitious one. The idea that he could be guilty of anything deserving of death seemed inconceivable to me.**

 

**“Just what exactly do they think he did?” I asked.**

 

**“He admitted to killing Kanute, for trying to rape me. It’s legal if you have a good reason; but Earl Haraldson doesn’t believe him.” She explained.**

 

**“So how then can he be freed?” I asked.**

 

**“There are those who can testify that the killing was just, even the Earl cannot defy our sacred laws, not with everyone watching.” She told me.**

 

**Later on that day, as the sun was beginning to set, just as Lagertha had predicted, all of us were summoned to the Great Hall. I’d never seen the hall so crowded, it seemed that there were even more people at this trial as there had been in the harbor earlier. There was a tenseness in the air, no one seemed to know how this trial would turn out, and I don’t think I was alone in wondering how on earth the Earl could think that Ragnar had just killed Kanute just for the sake of killing him.**

 

**“Bring in the accused!” The Earl commanded. At his words the crowd parted and Ragnar was brought in, clapped in heavy irons and surrounded by Haraldson’s warriors.**

 

**“Look at him! He’s in chains!” Bjorn exclaimed in alarm.**

 

**Ragnar turned his head and met his son’s gaze. “It’s alright boy…” He told him reassuringly.**

 

**This seemed to do very little to calm Bjorn’s fears. I knew that for the children who now looked up to me, I had to maintain a facade of calm and confidence, still… seeing him in chains, seeing how thoroughly he was surrounded, the menacing way Earl Haraldson was eyeing him, fear rose within me nonetheless.**

 

**_Lord, please let truth stand free from falsehood, and if it is in your will, do not allow this man to be wrongfully convicted. Amen._ ** **I prayed silently.**

 

**“Ragnar Lothbrok, you stand accused of the willful murder of Kanute. What have you to say for yourself?” The Earl asked.**

 

**“I admit that I killed him, but I did so with good reason, I found him trying to rape my wife, Lagertha…” Ragnar explained. Then he turned to address the crowd directly. “I ask all of you, freemen… would you have not done the same if you were in my place? I think you would.”**

 

**“I don’t believe you.” The earl snapped. “Some of you know that Kanute was the bastard son of my father. I loved him like a brother. Ragnar Lothbrok killed him in cold blood. Now, one could come up with a variety of explanations as to why a man like this would do such a thing. This is an ambitious man, this is a man who doesn’t care to share his spoils, and he resents that he owes me loyalty as chieftain. This is a man who does not believe in our traditions, this is a man who has no respect for our laws!” The Earl Shouted.**

 

**As I peered around the hall, many of those around me looked pensive, surely they knew that defying the Earl could create trouble for themselves, but it was clear that the Earl had gone too far in his accusations, attacking Ragnar’s character it ways they all knew weren’t the case.**

 

**“Unless you have a witness who can confirm your story…” The Earl went on.**

 

**Suddenly Lagertha stepped forward. “Ragnar didn’t kill Kanute, I did. I caught him trying to rape a Saxon woman and then he tried to rape me.” She told him.**

 

**I was bewildered, surely Lagertha was employing some kind of strategy here, but what it was, was beyond me. What did she hope to gain by confessing to the same crime?**

 

**“So there has been a murder, and the only witnesses are a man and his wife…” scoffed one of the Earl’s warriors, he was a short, stout, balding man, with small beady eyes, who seemed every bit as corrupt as the Earl himself. At his words, some of the others in the crowd began to laugh nervously.**

 

**“We however, have a credible witness of what has transpired.” The Earl replied.**

 

**“Rollo, Ragnar Lothbrok’s brother, is a witness to the killing.”**

 

**I watched as Rollo stepped forward to give his testimony but my eyes kept watching Ragnar and Lagertha. The looks of surprise on their faces made me wonder if Rollo had truly witnessed the events he was about to testify to. Fortunately the Earl didn’t seem to pick up on this, or if he did, he probably thought it was the idea of Rollo testifying against them that they were so surprised at. Honestly that caught me off guard myself, until I heard what he had to say.**

 

**As Rollo stepped forward, the Earl flashed a confident smile, obviously expecting Rollo’s testimony to support his brother’s guilt.**

 

**Everyone including Rollo waited for the hall to fall silent.**

 

**“So, Rollo, were you present at the death of Kanute?”**

 

**“Yes my Lord, I was there, I saw everything.”**

 

**“So, who killed my brother?” The Earl asked.**

 

**“Ragnar Lothbrok killed him.” Rollo replied.**

 

**My heart sank…**

 

**“Did he do this in cold blood?”**

 

**“No. For a good reason. What Ragnar has sworn is true. Kanute was caught in the act of trying to rape Ragnar’s lawful wife, Lagertha. So, unfortunately, you cannot punish him.” Rollo said with a smile.**

 

**Given Rollo’s testimony, the Earl had no choice but to release Ragnar and, for putting him through a trial based upon false accusations, give him half the hoard from this latest raid.**

 

**The longer I stayed in and around Kattegat and its people, the more and more aware I became of the sense of order, honor, and justice that underpinned life here. Yes, the laws were different, the morality was different, but that did not mean that those things didn’t exist. In truth, the longer I stayed, the more something about this world and its people, especially Ragnar, fascinated me.**

 

**To celebrate Ragnar’s freedom, his friends and household gathered for an evening of merry making, which in this world meant a lot of ale… One thing most people here seemed to have in common was that they had no trouble at all, tolerating large amounts of alcohol.**

 

**As a slave, I kept myself in the background of the celebration, Ragnar however sat down beside me after a while, and offered me a horn full of ale. Then he did something that shocked me, he thanked me for watching over his children in his absence. He said it as though I was a friend who’d just done him a favor, not as a slave who had simply obeyed his master’s orders.**

 

**Soon afterward though, the celebration was shattered when Earl Haraldson’s men came to kill Ragnar as retribution for Kanute’s death, Lagertha and I got the children out of the way while the rest of the warriors who were there rose to Ragnar’s defense. I wish I could say that this was the end of our problems, but it wasn’t. It was just the beginning.**

 

**The days that followed were relatively calm, business on the farm seemed to return to normal, and yet there was a tension, a frustration in the way Ragnar was acting that unnerved us all, at times he would vent that frustration by throwing things or cutting firewood using more force than was needed. Other times, he’d go into the woods and up onto the hillside overlooking the sea, and just sit there by himself for hours. It was as though he were preparing himself for something, though what that something was, was beyond me.**

 

**A few days later, after we’d returned from a fishing trip down river earlier that morning, I was gutting and cleaning fish for our evening meal, Ragnar was lying lazily on a wicker lounger, he seemed calm, so I thought that this might be my chance to discuss something with him that had weighed upon my mind for awhile by then.**

 

**“May I ask you something?”**

 

**His only answer was to meet his gaze with mine as though asking me what this was about.**

 

**“Am I still your slave?” I asked tentatively.**

 

**“Does it matter?” he replied, I didn’t notice it then, but looking back there was a darkness in his voice.**

 

**“It matters because I’ve noticed that in your world, slaves are often treated worse than dogs…” I explained.**

 

**“Do I treat you like a dog?” He asked.**

 

**I shook my head. “That’s not my point, legally you could beat me to death and there’d be nothing considered wrong about it, while everyone else in your world is subject to the law.”**

 

**“That’s just the way it is.” He replied.**

 

**He still seemed calmer than he had in days, so I kept pushing. “A man can rape his female slave but not a free woman.” Despite myself there was an edge to my voice as I spoke. I hadn’t meant to put how much the realities of slave life here, most of which I’d been blessed to avoid, had begun to anger me when I saw them happening to others.**

 

**“It is true that we differentiate between those captured in battle and our own free men and women. In any case, why do you keep saying ‘your world’? You live here now, this is your world, and I’ve never seen you try to escape.” He told me pointedly.**

 

**In truth, I’d realized very quickly following my arrival, that escape was impossible, and it wasn’t as if I had anywhere else to go. Even if I did manage to escape and steal a boat, without being caught and killed for trying it, even if I did make it back to England, what was left for me there? The monastery that had been my home for twenty long years had burned to the ground, Father Cuthbert and all the rest of my brothers were dead, even among the captured, I alone had escaped the fatal mistake of displeasing my master. With my home and the closest thing I’d ever known to family gone, what was the point?**

 

**“I find myself less and less interested in escaping now, even if it were possible…” I told him. Only then did I look up from my work. “But I would like to be a free man.”**

 

**“If it matters that much to you.” He told me.**

 

**I was shocked.**

 

**“It is custom that those captured are eventually allowed to live freely among us. If that is your wish, you can have your freedom. The only problem is, it’s up the Earl to grant it, not me; and I don’t think he’s likely to do anything I ask him to right now.” He told me. This was the first time since the trial that Ragnar had acknowledged the tension that was building, between himself and Earl Haraldson.**

 

**“About that… what are you preparing for? I see you going up into the hills to think, you’re getting yourself ready for something, making yourself stronger.” I asked him.**

 

**“Perhaps not strong enough…” He replied wistfully.**

 

**“What do the gods say?”**

 

**Once those words left my lips, I knew that I’d finally overstepped my bounds He sneered angrily up and me and ordered me to finish the fish in silence.**

 

**A few days later, while Ragnar was out in the woods hunting, and the rest of us were tending to various chores around the house and the farm, we heard screams and pounding of hooves. Lagertha peered outside and I saw her eyes grow as wide and large as melons, first panic, then determination in the space of an instant.**

 

**“We’re under attack!” She exclaimed, handing Gyda a large, long-bladed knife. “Get Bjorn!”**

 

**I immediately ran outside to the barn and brought Bjorn back inside and immediately went to grab the bible. I had just enough time to put it in a bag and put that bag over my shoulder before I was called by Lagertha to rejoin the others.**

 

**Lagertha was in full battle mode, with a shield in one hand, and a sword in the other, Bjorn had a somewhat smaller sword and Gyda was still clutching her mother’s dagger as though her life depended on it. This left me as the only one still unarmed, but Lagertha quickly remedied this by handing me an ax.**

 

**“Should we leave?” Bjorn asked.**

 

**“No. We stay. Your father will be back for us.” Lagertha replied.**

 

**“But there are too many of them!” He protested.**

 

**“Stay strong and be ready.” She told us.**

 

**We waited there in silence for several minutes, until finally, an injured Ragnar stumbled in. There was a wound on his leg and it looked as though his shoulder had been shot clean through with an arrow. The sight of him, clearly weakened and covered in blood and sweat had us all taken aback, Lagertha most of all.**

 

**“Get to the boat… you have to get to the boat…”**

 

**At that he pushed his way passed us and tore up several floorboards to reveal a tunnel under the house.**

 

**Lagertha put Gyda through the tunnel entrance first, then pulled me in after her.**

 

**“Father! I’m not going without you!” I heard Bjorn exclaim above me.**

 

**“Don’t argue! You have to get to the boat! I’ll be right behind you.” Ragnar commanded him, pushing his son into the hole after us.**

 

**The Tunnel led out to the side of the farm closest to the river, and close to where the small boat the family used for fishing was tied off. Wanting to make as little noise as possible, we pulled it ashore, Lagertha and the children climbed in, then I pushed the boat into the water and climbed in myself. We all laid down in the hull so that we could not be seen, and kept absolutely silent as we floated down river on the current, lest Earl Haraldson’s warriors find us. All the while we wondered what had become of Ragnar, and prayed to our respective gods for his safety and return to us.**

 

**Finally, we saw him on the cliffs overlooking the river at the edge of the woods, looking even more battered than before; then without warning he jumped off the cliff into the river.**

 

**After a few seconds, we saw no sign of him. Without thinking, I dove in after him. The river was dark and cold beneath the surface, but I soon saw him, slowly sinking to the bottom. I put my arms around him and furiously kicked our way to the surface, where Lagertha, Bjorn, and Gyda were there to help us into the boat.**

 

**We rowed further down river the the home of Ragnar’s friend Floki, a warrior and boat builder. He and his companion, Helga, used their knowledge of herbal medicine to treat Ragnar’s wounds, first cleaning them by pressing a red hot blade on them, then dressing them with a paste made of onion and sage.**

 

**Seeing Ragnar like that, badly injured and on the edge of death, that was when I realized the real reason why I had no intentions of leaving the area, even after I gained my freedom. For the first time in my life, I had a family. I couldn’t remember my own parents and siblings, I hadn’t seen them since I was barely more than an infant, true, I’d had my fellow monks, but this was something different. This family truly loved each other, they lived, thrived, worked, laughed, cried, celebrated, and grieved as one unit. The more I became part of it, the more I wanted to stay. They’d become my friends, Ragnar especially, and the thought of his death filled my heart with sorrow.**

 

**With Ragnar so weak, and having no home to return to, we were forced to stay with Helga and Floki through the winter. Those months are a blur to me now, mostly spent keeping the fire burning constantly for warmth, and telling stories around it. This was when I became acquainted with many of the stories of the Pagan gods of the Northmen and what they meant to the people living here.**

 

**When spring came, Ragnar, having recovered much of his strength, though it was obvious that his wounds had yet to heal completely, challenged Earl Haraldson to a personal dual. It was Ragnar’s chance to take revenge on him for what he had done.**

 

**All of Kattegat gathered to watch these two warriors, evenly matched in skill and strength, go at it. It seemed to go on endlessly, blow after blow, until each man was down to a single weapon. Finally, it was Earl Haraldson who was the first to fall to the ground, unable to continue. I watched as Ragnar slit the dying man’s wrists to finish him off. Haraldson’s wife tried to stop her husband’s death but it was too late. She was the first to kneel.**

 

**“All hail, Earl Ragnar!’ She exclaimed. The crowd responded by immediately sinking to their knees, everyone together. “ALl Hail Earl Ragnar!” we replied. It was a wonderful and strange feeling to shout those words, to bear witness to honor’s triumph over corruption, I suppose you would call it pride.**

 

**Once he was Earl, Ragnar did three things in very short succession, first, he took his rightful place in the Great Hall, second, he officially granted me my freedom, and third, and this is the one that I didn’t understand at the time, he ordered that preparations be made to give Haraldson a funeral worthy of an Earl.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter: To Say Goodbye: The people of Kattegat bid ado to their former Earl


	4. The Earl's Funeral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Athelstan recalls his thoughts and feelings about his first Viking funeral, and reflects on the consequences of the events that followed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one's a little late but I realized that I what I was planning to do would be kind of out of order, so I changed my plans slightly since we're not in AU territory yet. Also, this one's shorter, because we're only dealing with the Earl's funeral and the Temple, is worthy of its own chapter.

**At first, I couldn’t understand why Ragnar would plan such an elaborate funeral for the man who burned his previous home, tortured his brother, and threatened his wife and children. That level of forgiveness and care for one’s mortal enemies seemed so at odds with what I had come to know of this culture. Then I figured it out, it had to do with honor, honor was the backbone of this place. Though Earl Haraldson had acted dishonorably, by starting a blood feud against a man who had been deemed innocent, that didn’t mean that Ragnar could return that dishonor by not properly honoring his predecessor in death. Honoring his predecessor’s accomplishments in life by giving him a funeral indicative of a man of his stature, despite everything that Earl Haraldson had done, was a show of forgiveness, respect, and honor that I hadn’t expected to be part of this culture’s framework.**

 

**This was the first time I became consciously aware of something I’d be noticing for some time by then, that many of the values taught by Christ, the prophets, and apostles in the Holy Scriptures, were not absent in this world, they simply took a different form and expressed themselves in different ways.**

 

**Christians acted with mercy and justice to everyone we met because this is how Christ taught us to live while he was alive on Earth. The Northmen were ruthless to those who opposed and threatened them, and to outsiders if doing so meant a better life for themselves and their children, while they were steadfast and honorable toward their own people even when there was some emotional reason for them not to be.**

 

**The Northmen like to cremate their dead at sea, by turning boats filled with weapons and goods into floating, burning tombs. Their funerals were also a far cry from the As strange and as foreign as this might seem, their method of burial was not what I found most difficult to understand.**

 

**Before the funeral, Ragnar introduced me to a young woman who had been one of Earl Haraldson’s slaves, the first thing that I noticed about this girl, was there she had clearly been drinking. Now, this was, and is, commonplace in this society. However, this particular girl seemed to no longer be aware of her surroundings or what was happening around her. I found this rather odd, until Ragnar told me that she had chosen to die along with her master and that the two servants tending to her were preparing her to be sacrificed as part of her master’s funeral goods.**

 

**This out of all I had seen so far, was almost too difficult to take. The thought of it made me heave as though I would throw up, but I knew to hold my tongue. As a slave, I wasn’t expected to be used to the way things are done in Kattegat, as a freeman, one who chose to remain among my former captors, I was expected to accept the way things worked.**

 

**When I left the tent where she was, I wandered for a while, watched the others having fun, yes, fun. In the culture of the Northmen just about everything that marks human life, marriages, festivals, battles, and even funerals, all involved rather joyous affairs with lots and lots of pleasure. I still wasn’t quite used to that, having grown up in a monastery, I was even less used to this sort of thing than I would have been had I grown up in my actual hometown. For the most part, I just watched awkwardly from the sidelines.**

 

**I hadn’t gotten very far in my wanderings when Bjorn saw me, though he’d grown less openly antagonistic toward me since I’d brought him to Kattegat to see his parents return home, I still never knew what to expect from Bjorn. Despite the fact that his father had granted me my freedom, it was obvious that he still didn’t see me as an equal. This time, he was kind and offered me a drink, which I took.**

 

**When the actual funeral started, Haraldson’s wife, daughter, and servants came and placed offerings on his boat, only then did the slave girl step forward, closely guarded by the other two servant girls who had cleaned her and gotten her drunk. Knowing what was about to happen to her made me tense up, everything I’d ever learned in my monastic training, every instinct I had was screaming that what I saw in front of me was wrong.**

 

**“I can’t watch this…” I said aloud almost without realizing it, then I turned to leave; but Bjorn stopped me, he was standing on a barrel to get a better view, and as soon as I spoke he put a hand on my shoulder and looked down at me with a look that was stern and angry.**

 

**“What is the problem? It is only death! You stay and you watch, everyone must.**

 

**Knowing that this was one of those things where I had less leniency as a freeman than I’d had as a slave, I did my best to watch, though it broke my heart to do so.**

 

**When they reached the point of cutting her throat and actually killing her, my stomach lurched, all the while the onlookers around me were cheering as though they were watching something great, it was more than I could bear, and it was then that I slipped away from the crowd, not knowing what to think. It was all I could do to get to the edge of the village before throwing up.**

 

**Once I was confident that no one had seen me leave, I started off toward home, Ragnar had told me that I could stay in and use the old farmhouse on the outskirts of town for the time being but knowing that I wasn’t much of a farmer, he’d promised to have a small cottage ready for me to move into by the time winter came. By the time I arrived back at the farm I was more physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted than I’d ever been in my life. I collapsed on my bed, said my prayers without even bothering to kneel, and went to sleep.**

 

**After the funeral, Ragnar launched one final raid for the year, and again he did not take me with him. Lagertha was with child so she did not go either. It would be quite some time before I learned what exactly happened on that raid, but though I couldn’t possibly have known it back then, it would pave the way for both great and terrible things none of us could have imagined. Unfortunately, all was not peaceful in Kattegat while the raiding party was gone, Lagertha miscarried and this too would have far-reaching consequences beyond my wildest imaginings.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, which will hopefully be later this week, Athelstan goes to the Temple of the gods

**Author's Note:**

> Next Chapter: Turmoil: Ragar's Rise to Power and Athelstan's Freedom


End file.
